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Jan. 6th, 2013


Augh. Making breakfast my biggest meal of the day is going to be rough. My stomach hates eating in the morning. But hopefully this and stopping eating at least 4 hours before bed will help me lose that 30 lbs I so want to lose. 

I'm also trying out this Papaya Enzyme supplement to help me digest fat in food. I figure, since I don't have a galbladder, digesting the fat improperly is one of the reasons I'm having so much trouble losing weight. We'll see how this works. :)

I'm also starting to replace my daily coffee with tea. So far I have a lot more energy. It's also helping me with the depression I've felt lately. 

As for my family life. It's still pretty... eh. My mom is out of jail now and in a rehab house for women. She has yet to find a job, and continues to ask for half of my sister's money. I'm pretty sure she's been sober - but she rarely returns my calls. She's constantly yelling at my dad to give her money, though. Which stresses him out because he can barely afford food.

On another note - I finally have Adobe Photoshop CS5. Since I haven't used photoshop in about 3 years, I'm going to have to do some refresher tutorials. That's ok, though. I'm sure it'll help me with my comic. This comic I'm hoping to have the first chapter done by November so I can print and sell it at Youmacon! Fingers crossed.

Oct. 17th, 2012

Pic Dump - Long time no see

Long time no see. Here's an update on me I guess.

Just working a lot of hours at work. A lot of people have quit in the last few weeks and now we're down to 4 desk agents. Soon to be 3. Augh. I'm going to try to apply to a few other places and see if I can get out of there before the place sinks. 

My mom is in jail, for what looks like at least 90 days. I'm not sure how to feel about it. Part of me is happy because she'll HAVE to be sober, but part of me hates the idea of her sitting alone in her cell all day. I just don't know how things got to this point. As a child, I never would have imagined any of this going on in my life. 

Onto a happier subject. Here's some pics!

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Aug. 18th, 2012

(no subject)

Totally got my Galaxy Tab 2 today! EEEEEEE! It feels nice to spoil myself <3

Aug. 17th, 2012

The Magician

So I had a crazy dream. I'll post it here. Forgive the terrible writing - it was actually just written in a skype call to Zeta. I'm too lazy to re-write.

I was a biker chick that was searching for these people. But I road on this crazy futuristic bike. I remember a part of the dream where I was driving through this part of town at night, and suddenly the street was filled with all these people.

And each person I had met at least once in my life.

They were all walking and chatting, almost like they were on their way to a fair or something

And I was driving through slowly and sometimes they would acknowledge me sometimes they wouldn't

I spoke to my science teacher from highschool for abit actually And she kept saying something about I need to study WHY And I didn't know what she was talking about And she just kept repeating it Then this colosseum appeared.

Everyone was going into it so I followed. I got off my bike and on center stage was this guy. He looked like a magician almost

Everyone was taking seats, but a few of the people I knew better stayed near me by the small stage in the middle. The magician took out a microphone and began to speak to the crowd.

"HELLO ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE!" He had a smirk that sent shivers down my back. That shit eating grin that conartists have. "Welcome to today's show! We're all gathered here today to congratulate one AMAZING person." He walked around in circles as he spoke, but suddenly a spotlight was on me. He put his hand out to me and leaned into the light. I couldn't see his eyes, just his smile and his sharp yellow teeth. "Why don't you come to the stage, dear? They're waiting."

I stepped back and his grin turned down and he let out a small grunt. "Alright. Looks like we'll have to entice the little lady. How about it!" A cheer erupted from the stands, which had faded into darkness at this point.

He stepped over to the side, his hand on his hip as he tapped the microphone to his lips softly in thought. "Hmm. What keeps a person like you motivated. OH! I KNOW!" Suddenly he had a cane and he tapped swung it to the ground. A giant puff of red smoke exploded up and as it dissipated I saw a girl sitting in the chair. She was tied up, her head down so I couldn't see her face.

I slowly walked onto the stage and he stood next to her, both hands on the cane. He was a lot taller then I had originally thought, looking at him from below the stage. He had to be at least 6'8". I approached the girl and she didn't look up. (By the way, in the dream I had short red hair. And I had piercings. Which was <3) I looked up to him and he smiled. "Don't you want to save her?" I asked why he was doing this and he laughed. "I'm not. You are." I got the sudden rush of confusion, that gut feeling being lost and having no idea what was going on. I looked to the girl and she looked like me, only with black hair. I nearly choked on the air and suddenly there was a bang and smoke everywhere. I shielded my eyes until it was gone.

I looked back to the crowd and they looked on in awe. At this point I was shaking a bit. I had no idea what the fuck was going on. He placed his large hands on my shoulders and leaned over to press the side of his face to mine. "Darling, show us what you've got." I froze. I thought for a moment before elbowing him in the gut and grabbing the cane from his hand. I swong it across his face and he stumbled back.

The crowd went wild. I threw the cane into the stands and that's where the guy from big bang theory appeared randomly. He grabbed it and was like "WE HAVE TO ANALYZE THIS!" And then argued with the other guys for a minute about the relevance of the cane to the story and the one was like "WE aren't even relevant to the story! Who is in control of the focus here?!" and they looked around and it flashed back to me. (haha I still crack up at this)

I got on my bike and started to ride away, but on my way out of the colleseum it turned into hallways. I was lost nearly instantly. I road up and down the halls, desperate to find a way out. Suddenly I stopped at an open area and got off my bike. The cieling was open and the sun was shining in. I stepped to the edge and put my hand out. Have you ever been inside so long you were cold, then suddenly you step outside onto the warm pavement in bare feet and the sun just feels amazing? I felt that way the instant the sun hit my hand. It was amazing.

"You know, you're not a very good girl." A voice appeared from behind me and I pulled my hand in and turned. The Magician was back. "It's not nice to do things to people who have SO. MUCH. LEVERAGE ON YOU." He was stepping closer as he spoke, until he was nearly pressed up against me. He placed his hand on my cheek softly, at first, then slid it down to wrap his thumb and fingers around my neck. "You want the light?" I struggled against him for a moment before he began hushing me and putting his face to mine. I noticed the blood dripping from where I had hit him with the cane. He was inches from me, looking me over. "Go get it." And with that he pulled me in and pushed be back into the light. It felt slow, I felt as if I were falling for minutes. I closed my eyes and suddenly I felt water rush around me. I opened my eyes and swam to the top.

I was in a pool at night, surrounded by these teeny blue glowy squids. I looked down and I was naked. I swam to the side of the pool and got out and grabbed the nearest towel (which was sitting on a lawnchair). My hair was long now, and heavy from the water. I wrapped the towel around me and began squeezing the water out of it when a male voice appeared behind me. "Hey beautiful." I spin to see no one there.

I approached the sliding doors into the house and looked in. "Where are you?" I called out. No response. I opened the door and stepped in and I felt a sudden pain in my back. My breath was knocked out of me and I fell forward. My hand caught the kitchen table and I turned to see a figure behind me, but I couldn't see who. I fell to the floor and I couldn't move.

The magician appeared and walked up to me, all I could see were his black dress shoes. He tapped my shoulder with his cane, which was dripping with blood. I heard a chuckle. "Light isn't always light, isn't that right?" I reached up and touched his shoe and he pushed my shoulder back to force me on my back. I looked up at him and traced my face with the cane. "Don't flinch." And he lifted the cane and began to swing it down and I woke up.


Aug. 16th, 2012

(no subject)

So I went and got my nails done! :) 

I ended up getting home around 3 or so. Couldn't fall asleep until 10. Woke up at 11 and went to my appointment. YAY ONE HOUR OF SLEEP. But, I did meet with a friend for lunch! Went to this Euro Bistro place. It wasn't bad, took a bit to get waited on though. I had an awesome Veggie Pita thing. It came with fries but I didn't eat any. I managed to finish half the pita and a few bites of the side salad before I was full. Darn stomach. ENJOY THE DAMN PITA <3

I also got bored and drew on the box lol.

Other than that - I got my package from Japan today! EEEE! I'm so happy!

Sucks that shipping costs so much. But eh. It's worth it. I'm going to be looking into some clothes from there. If you're curious what site I use it's THIS one. It's awesome. :)
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(no subject)

Today was good. Well, last night? Idk. Third shift has me all screwed on days. ha. Well, I'm making some friends at work. Might even hang out with Jessie sometime after work when she can get out of the house and go to the bar with me. :) It makes me happy to be socializing more than "Hey I work with you I have to tolerate you" type stuff. 

I need to stay up for a bit to start adjusting my schedule to a more third shifty one. I work 11 pm to 7 am Saturday and Sunday.

Also I found out how many hours will be on my next check. 118.50. Nice. Should be a good chunk of change. Think I'll buy a tablet and a 3DS XL since that's coming out this weekend. :) Cannot wait to spoil myself a little! I'm getting my nails redone tomorrow (I have a $20 off coupon so it'll only be $20~! ) The shellac chipped off my one and to have one with nothing on it will drive me crazy. Not sure what design I'll be going for yet though. Something simple. My nails have grown out quite a bit since I had them done. Which is amazing because I have brittle nails and I'm a chronic nail biter. Shellac really helps with that. :) It'll be nice to see Teresa again as well. (My nail lady)

Other then that I don't have much planned for my two and a half days off. I'll probably be building my new food schedule (Since I have my fancy new board.) and working out. Got a new printer not to long ago so that'll help with printing off recipes. <3

Also I'm probably going to look into some community stuff that I can get into. I really want to join something to meet some more people. 

Aug. 15th, 2012

Mya and Hailey

SO I was on tumblr and I stumbled across THIS article. A girl is missing, and her best friend is worried sick. The girl apparently left a suicide note at her mom's and turned off her phone. It made all the feelings rush back of when I got the phone call about Mya's death. God. This is so hard.





Lookit that beautiful girl. Her smile was infectious. God I miss you, Mya. <3 

(no subject)

So I woke up to this this morning.


Scared the crap outta me ! haha.. Thanks Trunk. :P

Well, I ended up sleeping 10 hours almost. Man, it felt good. The nyquil helped me I think. I'm still a bit drowsy, but after the gym I think I'll be ok. Another 5 - 2 am shift tonight! Although last night I did get all of the first part of night audit done in record time. Jim is pretty pleased with me :) He said "I feel like I"m training a super night auditor." haha. yay <3

Aug. 14th, 2012

(no subject)

I don't know why they don't close down Holidex when we get to 20 rooms left. Seriously. Now we're oversold AGAIN. AUGH this is so frustrating. They don't have to deal with the angry people checking in, I do. Augh. I can't wait to be third shift. I'll be coming in after everyone is checked in. <3

Binge, Puke, Repeat.


So I got more sleep last night then I have been. My body is still trying to catch up though. Didn't get home until 4:30 last night. On the plus side - I did night audit a lot faster. :) I can't wait to get to the second part! I'll be doing it alone in no time!

My body isn't as sore as I thought it would be today. So another round of the gym for me. However, last night I was terrible. I got out of work and I was so shaky and dizzy I could barely walk, let alone drive. My blood sugar levels were going crazy from not eating a lot. The only place open was Mcdonalds, though. So I ended up eating fast food. It helped me be able to drive home, but then after I got home I puked and dry heaved for an hour. It felt so terrible. I was freezing so I ended up putting on my fuzzy pj pants, big hoodie, socks, and my slipper boots and curling up in bed under a blanket. I hate my body when it does this.

I feel kind of overwhelmed today. Not sure why my patience level is so low, but little things are making me just want to pull my hair out. I think it might be lack of sleep these past few days. I can't wait until thursday. It seem so far away.

( I'm also going to put this in the middle for Zeta because I know you're reading - KEEP CALM AND SMILE, IT'LL BE OK <3 :D )

In other news - I'm working on rooting my phone. I'm so sick of how slow it is and how often it glitches and freezes. Lately it will freeze up to 4 times a day and I have to take the battery out and reboot it. Hopefully rooting it will help with this. If it doesn't, well...looks like I'll have to save up for a new phone instead of a tablet.

Alright - I better balance this out with good stuff. I found out the guy training me has been boasting about me to my coworkers. This is a major "YAY" on my part because he doesn't boast about ANYONE. <3 I'm trying hard to learn quick so he can have a day off. Also I found out I don't HAVE to wear a blazer! AHHHH! I need to go get some nice long sleeve work shirts now! The blazer is such a hassle sometimes.

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